


It's a Good Day to Go a' Picking

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-16
Updated: 2006-03-16
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:37:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15094046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: The gang goes on a forced vacation.





	It's a Good Day to Go a' Picking

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

 

"It's a Good Day to go Picking"  


Disclaimers: No copyright infringement intended at all. I just didn't want to do my Psych Stats HW right now. I much prefer writing to calculating proportions.   


Summary: The gang goes on a forced vacation. No shippiness here.  


Feedback: Is always greatly appreciated.  


Author's note: Thursdays are the worst day in my schedule *and* it always has the worst weather to go with it. About the story, I've spent enough time in Delaware growing up to still have words like *dudn't* slip out when I'm talking too fast and not monitoring my speech and I still call anything that you can travel on a *road*, tarred or dirt. We also didn't go to supermarkets, unless it was a necessary evil. Enjoy!  


~~~  
It was Thursday morning at Senior Staff.   


"Hello, Everyone. Abbey's out of town and I will be going to the country this weekend. Thought you all might like to know that."  


"Have fun, Sir." His staff said together.  


"Oh, I will. And so will you. I'm inviting you all to join Leo and I."  


"Oh, no, thank you, Sir." CJ sputtered.  


"I really have better things to do." Toby grunted.  


"I, uh, I have, um, a thing to do." Josh stumbled on his words, looking at Sam, who just shrugged.   


"I have one too, Sir, plan that is." Sam added.  


"Oh, but I would never think of going to such a grand place like the countryside and not invite you all. You can bring friends or your assistants. They might want to have fun, too."  


"So we're expected to go, Sir?"  


"Oh, did you think you had a choice?"  


"Yes." Toby growled.  


"Well, you were wrong."  


"So we have to go *and* we have to have fun?"  


"Yes, Toby, that's how it works."  


"Why?" Josh asked, rather shrilly.  


"Because I am the President of the United States, which makes me your boss and none of you have plans for the weekend and now you do. Pack tonight, we leave tomorrow."  


"Where, Sir?"  


"Delaware."  


"We're going to the countryside in Delaware?"  


"Yes but it's actually just more *country*."  


"Why not the farm in New Hampshire?"  


"I would like to show you the land in Delaware. I may not be able to make you have fun but I'll damn sure torture you trying."  


"Sir?"  


"You understood that, Sam?"  


"Yes, Sir."  


They filed out of the room slowly, not in the least bit happy about their new weekend plans.  


~~~  
Everyone left in the afternoon. Fortunately their destination was easy enough to reach and they only drove each other close to the brink of insanity but no one got pushed over the edge. The President seemed oblivious to the whole thing. He really wasn't. Secretly he was enjoying every minute of it.  


"Sir?"  


"Toby, stop crab-assing and just get inside. I'll give everyone their assignments when we're in there."  


"Assignments, Sir? Isn't this a forced vacation?" CJ questioned.  


"See? It's words like that, *forced*, that make me give you people assignments on *vacation*. I notice none of you brought company."  


"We didn't think it would be nice of us to inflict pain on unsuspecting people."  


"That wasn't nice, Toby."  


"Yes it was, Sir." He said as he entered the cabin.  


~*~  
"Okay, everyone pick a color." The President began his unofficial meeting. "CJ?"  


"Green?"  


"Are you asking? There's no right answer, Folks."  


"Green."  


"Cucumber, lima bean or zucchini?"  


"Sir?"  


"Pick one."  


"Cucumber."  


"Toby?"  


"Huh? Oh, yeah, brown."  


"Pick a color with life, you curmudgeon."  


"Red."  


"Tomato. Unless you'd prefer watermelon."  


"Tomato sounds fine, Sir. And watermelon is actually *green* on the outside."  


"Would you like to know the history of the watermelon?"  


"No thank you, Sir, the tomato is fine with me."  


"Good. Josh?"  


"Yellow."  


"Ah, a nice bright color. Squash. Sam?"  


"Uhm, what color is left? Oh, blue."  


"You're sure you want *blue*?"  


Hesitantly, "Yes."  


"Okay, blueberries."  


"Leo, you in on this?"  


"Sir, unlike the others, I know what this is about so *no* I'm not in on this. Thank you anyway. I'll be needed to keep the peace in the kindergarten class of a fiasco this little vacation from hell is sure to turn into."  


"Okay, and I'm not involved in this either. Because I'm the President. Have fun."  


"Sir, what is it exactly that we're having fun doing?"  


"Picking. You have to pick whatever matched your color."  


"We're going to run around like bumpkins living off the land for the next two days?" Toby yelled, rubbing his forehead. "God, kill me now."  


"I'll do it for you." CJ offered with a smile.  


"Shut up."  


"Children, the fun is already starting. Cut it out! I am *not* going to listen to this for the next forty-eight hours. Live like hicks and enjoy it." Leo yelled. "Find your rooms and get settled in."  


"It's too late to pick now." CJ said.  


"I know. We'll do that first thing in the morning. Tonight, we'll have a nice dinner, get plenty of rest and greet the day with the rooster."  


"You're kidding?"   


"Toby, if you say one more thing, I will give you something else to pick along with the tomatoes."  


"Yes, Sir."  


~~~  
The next day began with the roosters, true to the President's word. None of them were thrilled to be awake at that hour but knowing they didn't have a choice seemed to make it worse, rather then better.  


"I refuse to get up." CJ moaned from underneath her pillow.  


"If I had to get up, so help me, you *will* get up." He began coming toward the bed.  


"Do you realize that I could be naked under here?"  


"And that would explain why there's a t-shirt sticking out from under the pillow?"  


"Oh, I didn't know that."  


"CJ." He began a singsong. "Get up, CJ." Leaning over the bed, "Take a shower in bed, CJ."  


"I'll hurt you."  


"Get up, CJ." Still using the singsong voice.  


"Don't do it, Toby, I swear."   


The water was cold. She shot up and out of bed quickly. Too quickly. Head rush. Running headlong into the corridor, she caught up with Toby in no time. Throwing herself on top of him, she wrestled him to the ground.   


As they lay tussling on the ground, Bartlet and Leo came out to see what the ruckus was all about.   


"You have got to be kidding." Leo mumbled.  


"What in Heaven's name is going on?"  


CJ let go of Toby, allowing them both the opportunity to stand up. "Good morning, Sir." They said sheepishly.   


"Can you explain to me what that was all about? Is that some new mating dance I don't know about? And why would you two be doing the mating dance?"  


"We weren't. She was trying to kill me."  


"In all due fairness to myself, Sir, I did warn him first."  


"That you were going to kill him? CJ, are you insane?"  


"No, Leo, I am *not* insane. He came into my room uninvited and said he would throw water on me so I would get up. I warned him that if he did, I would hurt him. He did and I did."  


"Mature." Leo stated, walking toward the stairs. "Let's go eat. I'm hungry. It's too damn early to be awake *and* I have to deal with children."  


"My point exactly. People sleep late on vacation. They don't get up *earlier* then they usually do for work." CJ grumbled, following behind the Chief of Staff.  


~*~  
"Okay, Folks, here's how it works. You remember what you have to pick? That's for dinner tonight. Probably breakfast for tomorrow as well. Depending on your behavior, if you're *good*, we'll leave early afternoon." He teased.  


"Sir? Are we really going to *pick* things? With our hands? When we can go to the supermarket to *buy* them? In cans?" Josh wondered.   


"Dangling participles, or more correctly, too many prepositional phrases, Josh, I'm glad you're not my speech-writer."  


"Yeah, I hear he had an interesting morning." Sam smiled. 

"You like your life?"  


"Yeah, it's great."  


"Now." Toby said as he poked him. "It's good *now*."  


"Go get food, people. Sam, you might have some problems finding those blueberries. We may have to go somewhere else for you."  


"Just change the damn color, Spanky." CJ suggested strongly.  


"No, I like blue. I always get compliments on my eyes."  


"Kill me now."  


"I tried."  


~*~  
Bartlet led them to the part of the farm where the vegetables would be picked. It was a nice hike on a beautiful day. By the time they reached the land, however, Toby had far exceeded his *outdoor limit*.  


"I have been outdoors more today then in the past month."  


"Glad to help, Toby. Everyone remembers what they are picking, right?"  


"Yes." They groaned in unison.  


"Well, go to it. Leo, let's sit here in the shade and wax sentimental about the scenery."  


"Okay." He frowned as he sat on the grass. "Have fun, Children."  


~*~  
"CJ, if you have cucumbers why are you in the squash section?"  


"Because, Josh, they were *green* and that's all I could tell from the distance. Now that I'm here, I know I'm in the wrong place. I'll leave you to your work. And just so you know, you picked *yellow*."  


"He said *squash*."  


"You picked yellow, Josh."  


"Thanks. You just saved me a lot of unnecessary work." He mumbled as he moved over to the yellow squash.  


She was walking around, trying to find the cucumber *patch* as she called it, but not watching what she was walking on or into.  


"Damnit, CJ, watch where you're going." Toby yelled.  


"What?" Struggling, "What am I stuck in?"  


"Vines. How can you walk into vines? Is that humanly possible?"  


"Well, I did it so it must be. Shit!"  


"CJ, the tomatoes are right next to the vines of the lima beans. Try not to step on them all or Bartlet might make me pick something else."  


"You're filthy!"  


"I think you're beautiful, too." He grunted as he picked more tomatoes. "Any idea how to tell when these things are done?"  


"I know I'm beautiful and the word is *ripe*."  


"What?" He asked, then cussed as he dropped half the load in this arms.  


"You need a barrel to carry them in and it's *ripe* not *done*. When they're red and feel nice, they're ripe."  


"So I'm feeling up tomatoes now?"  


"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do." She smiled at him.  


"Go away, CJ. Go find your cucumbers while you're still clean."  


"Ooh, I found them." She said as she took off running, stepping in Toby's little pile of freshly-picked tomatoes.   


~*~  
Sam was just strolling around the different areas because their were no blueberries on the land to be picked. He knew he would be the main character in many revenge plots for making them have to go to *two* different places to pick but he didn't have that knowledge at the time that he chose the color.   


Finally, Josh cornered him. "We're gonna have to help you pick the damn berries, help me pick the squash."  


"Fair enough." He went at it with a great deal of gusto till he realized that they all didn't feel the same. "So, Josh, these are supposed to feel *how*?"  


"I don't know. I'm just filling up the bucket. Do I really care?" He wiped his brow.  


"If you're just picking anything, why are you sweating like that?"  


"It takes a lot of energy to be a farmer."  


"You're not a farmer. You're not even acting like one."  


"Oh, no? What's this? I'm freaking Farmer Brown, over here. All I need is the coveralls."   


"Stop complaining. You've got help. CJ and Toby are on their own."  


"That's because there will be nothing left if those two work together."  


~*~  
"Hey, CJ. How you doing over there?" Toby shouted to the tall woman trying to keep her hair wrapped up without a scrunchie.  


"Great, Tobias. Just great." It wasn't happiness in her voice.  


"Tobias? Is that right?" He heaved a tomato at her.  


"Damnit. You shouldn't throw food. Bartlet is gonna kill us and didn't they teach you not to throw food in the first place?"  


"Yes, but I had a Yankee flashback."  


"You're an idiot. You know that?"  


"Must be a lovable idiot. You wouldn't stay friends with me this long if I weren't." He ducked just in time to avoid the cucumber aimed at his head.  


~*~  
"Well, old friend, do you think we should go rescue them?"  


"Rescue the land is more like it." Leo smiled, rising. "Let's go help the environment."  


By the time they gathered the staff, things weren't looking good. Josh and Sam had indeed filled the bucket but the contents were not all to be desired. Toby had his barrel filled and CJ was wearing what didn't fit. She must've had a good aim herself because he appeared to be wearing the remnants of cucumbers, though even Leo wasn't sure how she had pulled that off.  


"You are grown people. I can't believe you look like this. What have you done to the land?"  


"Nothing." Josh answered for the group. "The land is fine. It's *us* you're trying to kill. Oh, I'm sorry that was torture you mentioned."  


"Fun. It was fun that I was going to show you. Toby, did you have fun?"  


Looking at CJ, "Actually, Sir, I did."  


"So did I." She replied, smiling widely.  


"Josh, Sam?"  


"Not as much as they had but yeah, we did."  


"Then my job is done. Let's go get cleaned up and go to the blueberry patch."  


"You're kidding. You're going to let these misfits near more nature?" Leo was amazed.  


"Sure. Sam was deprived. He didn't get to pick anything."  


"Um, actually, Sir, I picked green squash."  


"Good, Sam, that was very enterprising of you. Let's head back to the cabin. We've got blueberries to pick."  


::Groan!::  


~*~  
Hot water is a good thing. The vacationers discovered however that it is sometimes not as plentiful as they are accustomed to.   


"I don't believe I had to take a cold shower. Who used it all up?" Josh asked, glaring at CJ.  


"Look at me you want. I don't care. You can't stay mad at me." She shrugged. "Did you see what I looked like? I was the damn reigning tomato queen!" She swatted Toby as she passed him.  


"Are we really going to the blueberry patch now?"  


"Sure."  


~*~  
"You shouldn't eat those. They're not clean."  


Popping some into his mouth, "What's the worse that can happen?"  


"Josh, you could get poisoned."  


"City kid. I'll be fine."  


"Okay." She picked up a handful herself and plucked a few in Toby's direction.  


"Why do you always bother *me*?"  


"Because I know you the longest and I know I *can*. You're easy."  


"Blueberry juice does not come out of clothes."  


"It does if you wash it right away." She said, flinging more berries at him.  


"CJ."   


She was playing with a berry and ended up skinning it. The inside shot at Toby and she had the empty skin in her hand. The blue missile hit it's target.  


"Damnit! I told you..."  


"It was an accident, I swear. Anyway, it's only on your beard. It'll come out." She hid the chuckle well.   


"Maybe we should help Sam so we can get out of here faster."  


"And less blue."  


~*~  
"Anybody cook here?"  


"Bartlet."  


"Okay, let's try this again. CJ, you cook?"  


"Maybe." She smiled, coyly. "I'm not making blueberry pie."  


"We're going to eat vegetable a la Bartlet tonight so CJ doesn't have to cook. The berries are for breakfast tomorrow or snack tonight." Bartlet said as he entered the room.  


"Snack?"  


"Yes. Snack. They're healthy, which makes them good for you."  


"Tomorrow cannot come fast enough." Toby mumbled, eyes closed.  


~*~   
Dinnertime is always interesting with this bunch. Here out of their realm, though, they became more quieter then usual.   


"Is there any way at all that meat could've been added to this?"  


"Well, we could go fishing. Yes? Or how about kill a chicken and eat it?"  


"No, to both." They all answered.   


"Then vegetables it is. CJ, I notice you have added the blueberries to your plate. Gentlemen, that is a wise woman."  


"That is a hungry woman." Toby corrected, ducking the berry coming his way.  


"Anyone feel like going to the swimming hole?"  


"No, we feel like sleeping."  


"We've been up since the crack of dawn."  


"All right, I didn't ask for a whine-fest. Go to bed. We'll leave first thing in the morning."  


"Really? 'Cause it would be so cruel to get our hopes up like that and then just dash them against the side of the barn." Josh said.  


"I just wanted to give you something. Something you probably never did before and now I have. I don't have to extend it. I'm glad you were all able to get passed your bad moods about this little adventure and have fun. It was worth it. Leo."  


"Anything you say, Mr. President. Anything you say." He began eating some squash. "These people ever going to talk to you again after this little experience?"  


"The owners? Of course. This is *me* you're talking about. Jed Bartlet. Who doesn't talk to me?"  


"If they have a choice?" Toby wondered.  


"We don't have to leave first thing in the morning. We could go fishing or to the swimming hole and let the minnows nibble on our ankles and toes."  


The others glared at Toby. "I'll not speak another word."  


"That's a blessing in disguise." CJ whispered to Sam.  


"I heard that."   


"You spoke. That didn't last long." She grinned at him. "I know you too well, old friend." Picking up her fork again, "Thank you, Sir." The others repeated her sentiment.  


  
~~~  
The End  


  


End file.
